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howdy! and welcome to toddland. how long will you be staying? hopefully forever. wait, that was creepy. let's try this again... toddland is our own little world that formerly only existed in our heads (along with our imaginary supermodel girlfriends and that little voice that tells us to burn things). we are just a few friends making things that we think are rad and hope that you think are rad too. (if you don't, please don't tell us, we already have enough self esteem issues) it's clothes not rocket science. we tried rocketry, in a few words, it did not end well. anyways, we believe if you are going to make something, make it as rad as possible. so here we are. #stayrad #makeradstuff #weownthosetrademarks #lawyersarefun #theymadeussaythat

the original & kinda world famous & totally trademarked... faux paws

the original & kinda world famous & totally trademarked... faux paws

$ 28.00 

toddland doctorologists do not recommend these gloves for skiiing, hiking, driving, texting, catcalling, or pretty much doing anything in. what they lack in functionality, they make up in beary (it's a word now) awesomeness. they also warn us that smothering yourself in honey and wearing these out into the woods is probably a bad idea as well (or smothering yourself in honey and going anywhere really). we think what they are trying to say is go ahead and buy these at your own risk, and figure out what to do with them. you're rad enough to be different. you're rad enough to be different. you can totally trust us, we're a giant mega corporation. -stay rad

this item was tested on real fake bears. they looked great in them.

  • it is two gloves per pack. so one for each hand.
  • put 'em on. it'll be funny. we promise.
  • the original & kinda world famous...
  • 100% faux fur (that's spanish for: we got it off fake bears, ole!)
  • for ages 25 and up! (for no apparent reason!)
  • made in china

 marked down from $7,000,000!  that's a 99.9996% discount! you can't afford not to buy!

shipping? yeah, we do that.  basically after you enter your information at checkout you can pick shipping rates.  they are generated directly through ups and usps and automated in our system.  so if they looks expensive, blame Obama. (somebody told us that, we didn't know he even worked at the post office, HOW DOES HE FIND THE TIME!!?  but somebody told us to do that, so... cannonball).  anyway, you are the "choose your own adventure" decider of your shipping rates, and we don't make any money off that, so don't get mad at us when you choose the "$485 hand delivered by virgin handmaidens riding razor scooters down the alps" option.  hey, you picked it. we would have just went with regular old first class mail option.  If you email us, for $1,000 todd will probably personally deliver, let you stroke his beard, and cook you waffles.  He has free time.

But really, for USA shipping, it's $5.00 for orders $0-$50, $10 shipping for orders $50-$100, and free shipping for orders over $100.  CANADA shipping is a flat rate $22 usually (*yes, it's outrageous, that is the rate we pay with our volume discount).  INTERNATIONAL shipping is usually a default $25.  If you are international and getting something small like a pin or a sticker, shoot us an email and we'll refund the difference since it won't cost that much to get your order to you.